WOW I'm 49 - I slipped and fell yesterday!

My Goodness - My Goodness - My Goodness!!!

Do I feel it more cuz I'm almost 50?

Or am I making it more of a big deal because I'm almost 50?

Would it hurt the same if I was almost 30?

Would it be just as hard to get up if I was almost 30?

All I know for sure is....It hurt, It was hard to get up, It was a big deal!

Thankfully....as I laid there crying and feeling sorry for myself....my 2 almost 16 year olds came and picked me up, brushed off my butt and kinda babied me (like I would have done them) asked me if I was ok?

I love um!  Those 2!

My Life

Last thoughts before I slip into unconciousness.....He has bit my face, how bad I do not know, his hands are around my throat, and hes squezzing out my last breath. In my arms....one of my twin babies - we fall back onto my bed, thankfully a soft landing for my son....."Please Heavenly Father take care of these babies-protect them until help arrives". As I finish the prayer in my head, he stops what he is doing, gets up leaves the room and procedes to fall into a deep sleep on the couch.

I sit up, hug my son to my chest and think to myself...."Is this how I am to live? Is this how my life will always be? Is this the life my twin babies will grow up in?" - then...clear as day Heavenly Father spoke to me. "Get your Diaper bag, pack it with what you would need for the day, get whatever papers are important to have (birth certificates), get your checkbook, get the babies, pretend you are just going to the store, walk out the front door and don't look back...prepare yourself mentally for never returning. And, so I did...

How did I get here in the 1st place? This was really hard. Not only am I walking away from my life....but the house and everything in it is mine. I bought it before "he" came into my life. I had to walk away from everything...everything plus 2 babies. }}}Big Heavy Sigh{{{

Turning 50

I think I've mentioned?  I'm turning 50.........

I'm getting those spots on my hands.  Those spots that I recall seeing on "Older" women.  Hmmmmm!

I Crack Myself Up!

My Brother and Sister In-Law own a up scale Hair Salon. 

And every year for Christmas they always give my sons hair products, like gel.

About a week ago I was getting ready for work and decided I needed a bit of hair gel for my own hair that morning.  Reaching for my own I discovered it was empty and that is because my boys take it upon themselves to help themselves to anything that belongs to me without asing - no matter! Remembering that they had gotten some new stuff from Aunt J for Christmas - I'd just use some of thiers.  I knew the tube was green and it said something about "Minty" - Heck, I didn't care I just needed a squirt and I didn't care if it was minty or fruity or whatever....

So.....I found it, gave my left hand palm a good quarter sized suirt, rubbed my hands together and started applying the gel to my hair, squishy it round and about, when all of a sudden I noticed the hair gel suddzing up.....hummm, I thought to myself, this is some wierd hair gel that is suddzing as I continued to squish some more into my hair......Thats when I decided to actually read the label........

"Mint Rush - Hair and Body Wash"

I'm not a morning person....my alarm is set for just enough time to get the boys up and out, then it's re-set for me...with just enough time to get ready and go.........theres no time for hair washing!!!! I only had enough time for hair gelling!!  Oh-Well! Anyway.........Long story short I actually made it to work on time.

My Sister In-Law after hearing about my "Gel" issues.

Gave me this.

It's Awesome!!!

Lavender, Citrus and Eucalyptus.  All of my favorite scents.

 It smells awesome!

IT'S A CELEBRATION!!!!

IT REALLY IS A CELEBRATION!

::It:: really has served ::it's:: purpose! 5 times to be exact!

::It:: was made ready for use some 50 years ago and was operational I'm guessing 30 years ago?

But now ::it's:: "Expired", moved into "Not Needed Anymore".

::It's:: done a very good job! Sometimes maybe too good!

I can remember being very annoyed that like clockwork ::it:: would be switched to "On"....but then....like clockwork ::it:: would turn off again. Like a "cycle" really.

The 1st time I used ::it:: I was very young, only 18yrs old.  ::It:: craddled, hugged and nourished ::it's:: contents, and with the sounds and rythyms of the environment a scource of comfort to the contents.  ::It:: did a most excellent job. I was amazed to watch ::it:: work, to do ::it's:: job, ::it's:: "Soul" purpose.

-=-Presenting 1st Born Son -=-

The 2nd time I used ::it:: I was 22 yrs old. A little older, a little wiser.  I would like to think a little "Smarter"?  As before, like the 1st time I am amazed. ::It:: knows exactly what to do. With little to no help from me.

-=- Presenting 2nd Born Son -=-

The 3rd & 4th time ::it:: was used I don't remember how old I was. Maybe because it's one of those experiences in your life that maybe you don't want to fully remember? The parts I do remember are painful. I remember ::it:: being angry, squeezing, on fire, pushing, pulling, silent screaming. For whatever reason ::it:: had to expel ::it's:: contents. Now looking back I know that again ::it:: was doing :it's:: job. ::It:: had it's reasons.

The 5th time I used ::it:: 12 years had gone by. I was now 34. I really don't think I was anymore smarter either. But boy was I in for a shock! At 1st the pregnancy started out just like the other times. But then early on I was measuring further along, and I was like - heck.cool! So I was sent for a ultrsound and as the tech was doing the lookin around she said to me "How many babies do you like to have at once?" And I was like...??? Wha????

-=- Presenting Sons 3 & 4 -=-

My Uterus has expired!
I'm quite happy about it.

WOW 2010 WOW

My Goodness....time just keeps marching on. A little too fast if you ask me. I can remember as a kid time used to take for.ev.er! Each Christmas was what seemed like years away. Now? Sometimes time for me is tracked in pay checks. X number of pay checks until someones birthday, Christmas, Easter, vacation.

And now? In 10 months I will be 50! WaaaaaaWhooooo!

The 1st weekend of 2010 I spent putting my house back in order after the holidays. Took down our Christmas Tree and other Christmas decorations.

And mostly just enjoyed being at my most favorite place ever....

HOME

The Year of Turning 50

I'm turning 50 this year.

And instead of waiting until my actual birthday.

I thought I'd blog about it the whole year, and celebrate the whole year.

Turning 50 is a milestone isn't it? It should be. It is for me anyway.

Family Butts

This past weekend my Brother and Son worked to level one end of my mobile home. I just couldn't resist. My Sons girlfriend and I are sitting on the ground in front of them "Supervising" - It's what we do best!

Art from nothing

I love being able to create something from trash, or what we all perceive as trash. Take plastic grocery bags. To most people they would be a use once throw away. But for me.....sometimes I think the possibilities are endless. Currently I want to cover some outdoor lounge chair pads. But first I thought I should make a pillow to start with to get some hands on. This pillow I started with fused plastic bags, I just added until I got a general shape. Now on other blog posts I have seen this fabric sewn but I really want this to be water proof and I wasn't sure if the stitch marks would allow even the tiniest bit of water through so I decided to duct tape the edges together. Now I am crocheting a outer cover for some pizazz.

Gossip and Human Nature

In my quest to understanding my nature and being a better person towards by fellow humans I am finding it most difficult to stay away from gossip or being a party to gossip.

>>>Big Sigh<<<

Recently I found myself in a group setting of women one Friday evening. Some I knew quite well and others not so well. For the most part we were just visiting, partaking of very nice wine and talking about random things which lead to a certain topic and then lo and behold smack dab into a slam fest of a area family of which I took part.

I never gave it another thought until over the weekend all of a sudden I was overcome with guilt......

Why is it that when a group of people get together they feel the need to bash someone? Is it because it makes us feel superior? Or is it because we ourselves feel inadequate as humans so in order to feel better about ourselves we bash someone else?

I don't really care for this family but I don't wish them any harm. The way they live or the decisions they make are none of my business - none of my business that is until their lives intertwine with mine. Which they do on occasion. And then I do have a right to say something to a point. But I shouldn't have been gossiping about them.

I do know that I still have a lot to learn........Maya Angelou said the same thing.

I tend to do my own thing and stay to myself. Mainly because I don't want to know all the secrets of the lives that live in and around my community. I still find myself in situations though where I am told certain secrets and I always regret it. Once you know something about someone you can never look at them again with the same eyes you looked at them with before. It's kinda sad really.

Quote by Aristotle

We are what we consistently do;

excellence, therefore,

is not an act

but a habit.

I love this quote, and I try and remember to read it everyday. I have it hanging above my desk at work.

Autobiography (In Five Short Chapters) By: Portia Nelson

I totally love this poem. It is ME, and my life. I am currently living chapter 5

Autobiography (In Five Short Chapters)

By: Portia Nelson

I

I walk down the street,

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I fall in.

I am lost....I am helpless.

I'm not responsible for being here.

It takes forever to find a way out.

II

I walk down the street,

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I don't see it.

I fall in.....again.

I can't believe I am in this same place.

But I am still responsible for being here.

It still takes a long time to get out.

III

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it is there.

I still fall in. It's a habit; but my eyes are open.

I know where I am.

I am responsible for being here.

I get out immediately.

IV

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

V

I walk down another street.

Paper Art & Plastic Bag Creations

I got this very cool idea from another blogger. cristencrochet@blogspot.com She actually has a really great blog spot with lots and lots of ideas.

Mostly this project was made from 'People' magazine pages. (given to me - not bought) Very nice colors. I just rolled and rolled and shapped and shapped until it looked like it was done. One of my sons really likes it wanted to know if he could have it Of course I said yes. I really liked this idea and plan on making more.

The reason I felt it important to state that I didn't buy the magazines is because I am trying to create art out of free, found, recycled items. So it wouldn't really count (as if I'm counting) if I bought the magazines.

I have been embracing the green movement. If I could afford it I would have a totally sustainable home run with solar and wind power. But for now I am doing all the little things.

Which reminds me of a funny little something. A few days ago I ran into a local grocery store just to grab a couple items. I always take my own grocery bags with me and I always make sure the cashier credits my 0.05 per bag. I have also been making different projects out of plastic grocery bags. As I was leaving I asked the cashier if it would be ok to take a fistfull of the plastic bags from the bin where people put their used plastic grocery bags for recycling. She said 'yes - no problem, take what you want'. So I did, but as I was walking to my car I thought, you know she must think me a real nut, here I bring in my own grocery bag and make sure she credits my receipt with 5 cents, then I take a handful of used grocery bags. I just thought it as kinda funny.

I will post pictures of my plastic grocery bags projects. I've made a bath mat for bathroom, kitchen rug, back door rug, a bag for groceries and currently I am almost finished with a backpack for the beach. Personally the grocery bag I made I think turned out a little to big, but I like it anyway and have used it for other reasons.

Painted Shoes & Shirt

I am interested in many, many forms of art. I had just bought this pair of shoes, when I accidently spilt kitchen cleaner with bleach on the right shoe. At 1st I was very upset, then after I calmed down I thought of what I could do to fix it. Now I have original one of a kind pair of shoes.

The shirt I modified from a scoop neck to a v neck. Then painted around edge and added 2 iron on butterflies, that keep coming off.

Hello World

I am a single Mom. I have been for 14 years. >>YIKES<< I didn't set out to be a veteran single Mom. This wasn't in my plan at all. I've been waiting for the knight in shinning armour to show up and rescue me but I guess Knights in shinning armour don't have a personal GPS on board cuz so far he's a no-show!

Really........I hardly think about it any more. Actually I hardly have time to think about it. I have 2 - 14 year old boys. Do you understand how awful that is? When people decided or accidently have babies I really don't think they look to the future and realise that - that really cute baby is going to turn into a hormonal teenager. Personally I think these 2 teenagers are my punishment for a few bad choices of my own.

April 4th is their birthday - thats tomorrow. Then it's only a short 4 more years until they are 18. Only 4 years! I think these 4 years are going to be the longest 4 years of my life.

As I said above, I didn't set out to be a single Mom. I met and married a gorgous man who turned out not to be who I thought he was. (Someday maybe I will post that story) So, long story short I left with 2 babies and a diaperbag. 1st stop............."The Parents House" - My parents were very generous with us. For awhile I was able to just be at home and be a Mom. It was a great time. After a couple of years I saved enough money for the 3 of us to get our own place where we still live to this day.

And now here we are 14 years latter - OK well --- more like 10 years latter. Here I sit writing a blog.

Why am I still single? Well 1st of all I haven't met anyone, OK well - lets be a bit more specific. I haven't meet anyone of quality. I used to pray & pray that I would meet 'him' while the boys were still babies, then toddlers, then little boys, and then it got harder. It seems to me that who ever I dated in my eyes didn't qualify as "Dad". I know alot of people out there would argue and say your not dating to fill the "Dad" slot, but to me not only am I trying to find a companion for myself but it also has to be a good fit for everyone. So sometimes I feel like I am not meant to meet "Him" until the boys are all growed up and gone.

OK another reason is --- Men my age are not dating woman my age. This is really sad! For me anyway. I am 47 years old, seriously even if I go up 10 years, 57 year old men are not dating women my age. Maybe they are, I have been out of the dating pool for roughly 10 years. Part of the problem is I don't go out. I don't go to night clubs. I don't go to bars. I don't go to coffee cafe's. I don't go to book stores. I love to read mind you, I just get my books a different route. I've often thought of posting a newspaper ad:

"Slightly used Single White Female, still lots of miles left" hahahahahahahaha-LOL-hahahahaha! That always makes me laugh.

Now......it's been soooo long since I've even been on a date I don't even really think about it. I do a lot of stuff. I love love love art. I love to create art. My favorite is to create art out of other peoples trash. I am going to take some pictures of some stuff I have done and post.

OK - well this is the begining.

Ta-Ta for now -=- Peace